Prepare docking clamps!

When we started on the road to finding out what exactly my child’s problems were one professional said something to me that I will never forget. At the time it was very shocking and upsetting, even though I didn’t really understand it. My son was 22 months old at the time.

‘He is not interacting with you, he is using you!’

I took this statement very personally. It felt like she was saying my son did not love me and that he didn’t need me, he just needed someone and anyone would do.

With hindsight I can see she wasn’t saying he didn’t love me, but she was pointing out a major difference in behaviour between him and a typical toddler. She needed to do so in a way that would jolt me into taking action. I had let the autism idea go to the back of my mind somewhat. I felt comforted that we were taking action and, although I was anxious to find out exactly what my sons issues were, I was still expecting that our public health system would do this in a timely fashion. She achieved her objective, I was galvanised into action and my child was diagnosed with autism 2 weeks later.

‘Mother’ is one of these abstract concepts that just defies explanation. It is a complex combination of nature, nurture and so much more that it would be extremely difficult to teach the idea to my son. So, I have been waiting for him to figure it out, while providing the love and comfort every child needs.

These days I could just burst with excitement and pride. He now regularly sits up on the couch, bangs the cushion beside him and shouts ‘gah gah gah’ at me until I go and sit beside him for snuggles. I don’t sedately get up from my chair and walk over, oh no, I practically launch myself at him, tripping over any toys or children than happen to be on the floor between us.

6 months ago he did not understand that I could fix things with just a kiss or a cuddle. He would trip and just lie there, crying. I would rush to him and frantically try to figure out where he was hurt because he was not able to show me. Now if he falls he comes to me, rubbing his hurt leg and climbs into my arms for comfort. Not only this, but he has also learned how to milk the situation and will often return for extra sympathy, sometimes more than once. This can be very funny, but oh so precious too.

Now I see clearly what this professional meant with the comment ‘he is not interacting with you, he is using you!’. She was referring to a delay in his development rather than saying he didn’t need or love me. All children ‘use’ their parents, who else is going to cater to them and understand exactly what they want or need? She was referring to his delay in understanding the concept of ‘mother’, an idea that the majority of children 'just get'.

When my eldest child was just over a year old he went through a phase of crying if I left the room and was glued to my leg for months. I was driven demented by the time this phase ended. Now, as HRH approaches this phase, do I mind? You can bet your best pair of frilly pantaloons I don’t mind, quite the opposite, bring it on! I will revel in it.

Did I mention that I am bursting with pride and excitement here?

Prepare docking clamps……………….the mother ship is landing!!