Like all parents, I love to get out for a few hours on my own. One of my favourite parts of going out is coming home again because I get the most incredible welcome. HRH gets very excited, shouting 'Mama Mama', pointing and jumping. I get a huge hug and then he runs up and down the room for a bit with excitement, still shouting 'Mama Mama'. The excitement generated on my return is directly proportional to the length of time I have been out of his sight.
Her Cuteness always gives me a big hug and also does the running and shouting 'Mama Mama'. After all, that is what her big brother does so why shouldn't she join in. Firstborn, at the very cool age of 8, mostly just says 'nnnggggh', but occasionally he will join in and my welcome turns into a great game with everyone running around squealing with excitement.
So you see, I have no doubt in my mind how much I am loved and appreciated by my children. Anyone who has ever witnessed 'The Welcome' has a big smile pasted on their face right now. The joy is infectious, trust me!
Yesterday we went out and had lunch. When Mr LS was cleaning the table HRH went with him to the bins. I must have been out of his sight for all of 30 seconds. When he saw me again he had a mini happiness tantrum, jumping towards me with the biggest smile on his face, shouting 'Mama Mama'. The people at the table beside us stopped eating mid-chew, mouths hanging open. Silence fell at their table and they just stared at him.
Now, I have to say, I wasn't upset by this at all. I was too busy enjoying the moment because I never tire of 'The Welcome'. They stared for a good while though, well after his happiness had settled down. I suppose it is just becoming more obvious that HRH has special needs and I wasn't aware of that. I am so used to him being him. He has turned three this month and behaviour that would have been perfectly acceptable in a younger child is now not so acceptable (to others) as he gets older.
I suppose I had better get used to the stares. How do you deal with them?
*photo credit google images
Posts
37 comments:
I ignore them. They are ignorant people who know nothing about the person they are staring at and have absolutely no right to stare in the first place. If these ignorant twits took a few minutes out of their day to understand there are people in our world who are actually "different" from them, then our world would be a better place.
The welcome is a beautiful expression of love within a family unit. Unfortunately, ignorant folk just don't get that.
CJ xx
I stare back with the most menacing face I can muster. I find that when a 300 pound, shaved headed, heavily tattooed man stares back at them, even the rudest and most ignorant a#$holes look away.
Enjoy the happy tantrums.
I stare back. Harder. It makes people feel small and embarassed and I love it. I'm mean. I know.
I think I'd be the same as you, completely oblivious to is as I was enjoying my boy's happiness too much! Once I'd noticed, I'd probably give them a winning smile, and then goback to playing with my boy. :)
Ignore them!! They are not worth your time and attention. I focus on Gracie and Caleb and just continue on with our business.
I want them to see how much love and beauty she has, and I want them to see how much we love her, so I show them. I have fun with her, I hug and kiss her, I laugh with her, I talk with her, I walk hand in hand with her, all with them watching. Let them look and see how much your son loves you!
It does take time to get to this point. I still have my moments, but for the most part, I don't even notice the stares anymore.
By the way, Gracie does the same thing! If I leave her sight at the store, she will run up and hug me like she hasn't seen me in days. I love it! I always say to her: "I missed you for those 30 seconds that I was away from you!".
@CJ, I know you have had a similar experience recently!
@Sandrine, No you aren't mean, or if you are then the mean bit of me is looking forward to trying it out sometime lol.
@Marylin, yeah it didn't bother me yesterday because I was so intent on HRH. I could see them but I was having too much fun to care.
@BigDaddy, if all else fails I can do the '300 lb tatooed' look.
@TheHenrys, I am always just as happy to see HRH as he is to see me, just like you and Gracie:)
Thanks for commenting.
Jen
Firstly, can you bottle some of that & send it over please. As for the stares, you need to have some words readyhe is my SPECIAL little boy', 'Wouldn't you like some of that'. It may help start a conversation & the more folk know about autism the better in my book. If you get silence & stares just feel sad - for them!! - 'he really misses me when we're apart',
Ah that Welcome sounds heaven sent. How completely fab!!!
Feck the Starers. Look at what they're missing.
XXX
Thanks for visiting me from the blog hop!
I understand the stares as well, especially with 2 on the severe end... my oldest severe boy being 16.
Typically I ignore it, unless I'm in a wrong mood, when I might give "a look" back.
I did get a shirt for my boy - it says "Stare if you must, I'm not paying attention to you anyway"... LOL!
I agree with Jean, that welcome would outweigh the stares for me, feck them and ignore it, just enjoy the delicious happiness that HRH is spreading when he smiles. xxx
Completely IGNORE! You know my stories of these instances. You should just concentrate on how happy you and HRH were at that moment. Nothing else matters. Nothing!
@jfb57, I will try, it really is that good :D
@Jean & Andra & MTTB, yeah, I completely agree :)
@Blessed2, that is an excellent line! I may do the same myself :)
Thanks for commenting:)
Jen
I've grown a thick skin and can usually ignore the stares, otherwise hubby can do a mean nasty dirty look that would wither you so I order up one of those if required !!
Let them stare, let them see what true love and happiness really is!!!Actions absolutely speak louder than words xxxxxxxxxxxx
I used to quip...'My son's problem is autism....what's yours?'...now I just treat those horribly selfish insular bigots in a manner that's fitting and IGNORE them.
They may have been staring but maybe it was with jealousy?? I mean, did they EVER get such a momentous welcome from their kids ? At ANY age??
I'd like to consider these stares as stares of jealousy.... so there!!
This is a beautiful happy post! HRH rocks... it's official.
xx Jazzy.
I agree with the other comments, either stare right back or ignore it. I do either one, depending on the situation.
I still get the happy greeting every day after school, which is lovely, Perky is much more consistent and exuberant in this than his NT peers!! Sometimes another parent catches my eye and smiles and seems to enjoy it, too, which is nice.
I find a nice big smile either gets an automatic smile back from starers (biological instinct is to smile back at a smiler, it is part of the primitive brain!) or makes them quickly look away. If I seem happy then what on earth do they think they are staring at?!
I think this kind of thing falls under the category of Jedi mind trick. Ooops, now my nerd is showing :)
That sounds like a beautiful welcome! Love that! Who says our kids can't express love and share emotions??
Hopping by from the SN Blog Hop!!
I can't believe that you're getting stares at a 3 year old! My daughter is now 6 1/2 and sometimes still acts like that (I get the same welcome lavished on me after being out of her sight for all of 5 seconds)...and yeah, she is way too old and we get the stares, but I don't care anymore. Anyone who would take exception to that kind of unconditional love is just not worth getting upset over.
OK was in a bad mood when I wrote the last comment, sorry Jen!
Been dealing with the staring thing for a number of years now, especially since Smiley got big. If I see people staring I do glare back. But saying that a lot of people are still lovely to us, small children will come over to say hello and ask why she can't walk and other people will try to engage with her.
My aspie boy doesn't get a lot of attention in public unless he is mis-behaving and then it's the usual whispers about needing a smack *sighs*
@OurSue, I will practice my withering look. Even better if I can train OH!
@SandraM, DQ & Jazzy, yeah, we are the lucky ones to have him and the big welcomes :)
@R, I am saving that for when people tut tut at his meltdowns and suggest a good smacking!
@DaniG, it really is fabulous, I must try and catch it on video. Well, I must get my OH to try catch it on video!
@Lynn, lovely that your daughter still welcomes you like that. I hope I have many more years of it:)
@BlueSky, don't worry, I get it and you are always welcome to let of a bit of steam here.
Thanks for commenting:)
Jen
What a sweet welcome. :)He is so little still, he will be learning a lot about welcomes as he grows older.
Aren't people just so bloody annoying.
I say enjoy the happiness and to heck with what anyone else thinks!
There are always idiots around. Just ignore and enjoy HRH.
What a lovely moment between HRH and you. Don't let other people ever spoil that for you - hopefully they will learn in many ways from you both and become the better for it.
I have two sons, 1 adopted from Guatemala and one from Korea and we get lots of stares. At first it bothered me and took me awhile to get used to, but now I just ignore stares and focus on enjoying my family. I try to remind myself that people are simply curious about things that aren't "the norm" and most aren't judging us in a negative way.
What a lovely greeting! Mine are very similar..and yes, if I separate from the herd for a few moments during a family excursion-I am similarly greeted! Sometimes I think that we as parents (of kids who are different) are hyper aware of our children's public behaviors(in my case-the early years were spent trying to stave off freak outs) That we feel as if the boisterous good ones are viewed in the same way as the boisterous freak outs. Many people(I've come to notice) aren't used to any children publicly and boisterously loving on their Mama's...so no matter who or what-they are going to stare. If I think it is a stare of "shock" or worse "disgust" I usually look over and say "Isn't it wonderful to be so loved"..or I just wave and say "Hi"..sometimes I have misread the stare all together and people smile or say hi back. Sometimes I join in with the kids and jump up and down kind of like a winner on a game show..:)
Share the laughter and smiles with HRH, it's not only the best way to ignore the rude people but it's the best revenge in the face of their unacceptable behaviour.
We spend most of our lives teaching our ASD kids what is socially acceptable yet rude people think they can get away with it all the time?
Nope, sorry, that's not on and it's not acceptable.
My first reaction is "Screw them!" What heartless wretches they must be that they just stare when a kid goes into paroxysms of happiness! What is wrong with them that they can't enjoy such a sweet, sweet scene?
well i stare back at them and smile as i say yes this is a special little boy they normaly turn away fast hehe but it works
I won't say I get used to it or really manage to ignore it, but I can only take care of my boy. I can't make other people happy. They're going to think what they're going to think. If their unpleasant thoughts only make them unhappy, it's not my problem. If they affect my boy, I think of them like the weather: I respond in whatever way is best for GL, but don't waste energy trying to change them.
I usually say 'Yes can I help you?' and they usually suddenly realise how rude they are being and turn away.
Our third child has asd and will be 6 in dec
came up with this short rhyme
Why do I shout?
Why do you stare?
Why doesn’t that child behave?
Does his mother not care?
Does that child not see
He is not behaving as he should be!
I the child tell you, you need to really see
You need to take time to see the real me
I do not understand the world and its ways
I see only here and now not the way to behave
The world confuses me this is why I shout
Maybe you stranger not me need to take some time out!
Time to understand time to see
Time to realise what it means to be me
Edel, are you still here? Can you email me please, the address is in my profile.
I got here from the post about the poem above. That's awesome!
But I wanted to comment about the above post as well. When I am out without the family and happen upon a screaming child or something out of the norm, I do look. What I am doing may be misconstrued as staring and being rude, but I am really trying to decide if I should say something to this mom/family. If I catch the mom's eye, I will smile at her and I have actually went up and offered support or just said something nice to her. I get the stares too, Wesley is going on 5 and is a big boy. I try to assume that they aren't being rude though. I need that as much as they do.
My son Jack is now 9, and his behaviour is totally not what would be expected of a child of his age - as you say, as the child gets older, the differences are more obvious. I've got used to the stares over the years and they don't bother me so much - people can't help their ignorance I guess, and Jack doesn't notice anyway. Other children, however, can be cruel and I feel very protective of Jack when we are out and about, especially at the park where he is very verbal about his excitement at being on the swing! Our children are very special and we can learn a lot from them - I have become a lot more tolerant of other people,especially those with disabilities. If only other people could see what we see in our children and the joy they bring to our lives x
loved this !
I enjoy the welcomes to much to care and also people here are extremely polite ( I live in the South in the US ) which really helps
Post a Comment
Lovely to hear from you.